the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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