I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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