Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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