everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
