Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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