i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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