you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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