She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just threw up on my dentist
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
