Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
