She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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