I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
