am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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