Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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