there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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