Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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