rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
