and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
