He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
