I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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