omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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