Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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