Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
