I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
