Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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