ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
