I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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