nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
