My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
