One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
