I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
