dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize