come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
