I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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