Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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