im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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