remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
