i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
