i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
organizing the empties. That sober.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
