So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
