I can feel you judging me through the phone.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
