Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
