Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
