you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
