Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
