he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
