I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
