things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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