We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
