Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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