do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
