Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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