You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
