and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
