my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
