Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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