Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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