Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
