I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
