Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
