I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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