I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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