In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
only you would photoshop your dick
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
