I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
