He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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