I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
