So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
