Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
