He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
